I had a baby & POOF, everything I wanted to accomplish was put on the back burner. I had another baby & BAM, all of my dreams became non-existent. Like many moms, I got lost in motherhood. Life stopped being what I wanted it to be & started becoming what it had to be. I had to find a high paying job, regardless of what I actually wanted to do. I had to work conventional hours even though I was never a morning person. & I had to stop striving for my dreams so my kids could start developing theirs. Motherhood is beautiful, scary, fulfilling, & a full time effin job. I love being a mother, but damnit, I miss just being Brooke.
It wasn’t until after the birth of my second daughter where I started to develop a little animosity. The little bit of free time I had before her arrival was gone. At that point I didn’t even have time to do all the things I needed to do let alone things I wanted to do. I started to feel like I was failing as a mom. Why was I not the perfect soccer mom that found joy in cookie decorating or arts & crafts with her kids? Why did I dread taking my kids to the park? Most people would say the answer is post part depression. But I’m here to give you a more logical answer: My purpose in life is not raising my kids.
Yes, I know. Women were created to reproduce. That’s a given & I did. I did it twice. I’m raising my kids; I’m raising happy & respectful young girls. But that’s not all that’s in my book of talents. I don’t wake up & say “damn, I can’t wait to raise those girls today.” Please do not take this the wrong way, my kids are my entire world & there is nothing I wouldn’t do for them, their happiness, & success. However, this is where I got lost. No portion of my life was about doing the things that fueled me before I had kids. My life quickly turned into the glue that held my family together.
I sometimes think about where I would be if I didn’t have my kids. It’s a scary thought because I can’t picture life without them, they are truly my broke besties. They are the only two people in the universe that can stress me out & make me laugh all in the same breath. But seriously, what would I be doing if I didn’t have them? I truly believe that my dream of becoming a writer would be more of a reality. & because of this, I’m now pushing myself to be more than just a mom & a wife. I want to be able to do everything I need to do for my husband & our children & still do the things that feed my soul & my spirit.
I’m here to tell you that it’s OK to prioritize yourself. It’s OK for your purpose to be all about you. Being a mother is a job, a talent, & not for the weak. But a mother who remembers that life is about what you make it not about what it “has to be” can never lose. Wake up everyday and find ways to do what makes you happy. My purpose in life is not raising my kids and that’s life according to me.
Written by Brooke